Thoughts on turning older

In a few weeks I will be a year older. I will be 24.

The 20s have been a disaster for me... One year just running into another and falling apart...At the end of the year, all seems to be useless and worthless. I am doing something here, but it seems that the end result is either going to be delayed for a long time or is going to be something that I do not care for.

It has also made me realize that I am undecided and oscillating, a condition that I enjoyed earlier and now regret. I thought it was good that I couldn't choose between what I want to do and what I would end up doing...

It's been disconcerting and troubling, this feeling that I have carried for more than a year and half. So the question still remains...what do I wanna do with my life?

A political Memory

Listening to : OLDER by George Michael
Waiting for: LOST!

Just browsing through the 1991 edition of Frontline, I came across the life of Rajeev Gandhi. Mostly pictures about his life, which were sadly preceded by the pictures of his death in the bomb blast.

Looking at the blast pictures, I was reminded of the very day. I reckon it was Sunday and very early morning. Woken up by loud shouts and the newspaper thrusted in my face, I saw the bold headlines (of Hindustan Times, I think) and bloody pictures of a body. I also remember a strong rush of feeling that passed me, even though I can't place the reason of it. I was about 6, I think. I can't imagine why such an event would trigger a feeling of any kind. Maybe I could conceptualize how important a Prime Minister was, or what it meant to be part of a country that lost its leader.

Even now when I looked at the gory and violent stricken pictures, I could feel the travesty and injustice. But that all changed when I saw the pictures that followed this story.

Rajeev Gandhi as a Prime Minister I can accept; but the fact that he is being remembered as a family man.. amidst a family, surrounded by his kids..makes him seem angelic and blameless. It will not make people forget that he was involved in Bofors. Or that his mother some years age had ordered the great emergency. Or what his brother did during the emergency... What benevolent images we create of our leaders when they pass.. A tainted memory, and a clean picture..people wish to colour the bad things that take place and remove it from their memory...escapism or putting it behind...its just distortion.